Episode 22

Day 7
The Outlaws, now claymation, arrive in the train at the end of the tracks. The Grimbly Granch, a Christmas-hatin’ bumpkin, emerges from his cave/lair, which is filled with bones and drippins (and a “5K TV” and “Playstation”). He is small and stooped with a neon green face, orange eyes, and peach-colored fuzz. He is covered in brown tartan and wearing crocs with socks. A large, obsidian black door lies at the back of his cavern, complete with a tiny keyhole.

Upon hearing their quest for the sapphire, he invites them in to investigate the bones to see if their sapphire is present. The Outlaws enter, and Seymour, Soppy, and Robin’s kitten wait outside. After ensuring that none of them are fans of Christmas, the Outlaws are invited into the secondary lair by Grimbly Granch.

The Outlaws see many Humbug shells/bones amongst the bones. Grimbly Granch leads them up some stairs toward the obsidian door at the back of his lair. (Tomahawk and Garbanzo also remain outside)

They reach the top of the stairs, and Granch coughs up a two-foot-long, black metal key. Which he chonks into the door, pats it, and opens the door into the secondary vault, AKA a very classy and not at all completely gaudy apartment. The floor-to-ceiling windows look out on the side of the mountain, up which the Outlaws can see the continuing train tracks.

The Granch removes his cloak, revealing an Armani suit and bejeweled cufflinks.

PT Sinclair and Grimbly Granch head to the kitchen as the other three head to the Treasure Lair.

The Treasure Lair is a large hallway, covered in gold coins and bedecked with large, ornate cutlasses, shriveled heads, other assorted valuables, and in the back: a large cage with a big heart-shaped lock.

Conrad finds a bastard sword, whose blade is engraved with five, bright red cryptic runes, which read: ****** (ask Chris)

Robin moves toward the cage at the back of the room.

Remy backs away from Conrad and toward the entrance of the room, scanning it for Humbug remains and sapphires. She sees no remains in the Treasure Lair.

As Robin approaches the cage, a large and beefy Rudolph runs to the end of the chain and addresses him. He explains that he’s been chained up and held captive by the Granch for 14 days (and his name is Red). He is Rudolpho Rosso the Red, swordsman of the North. He was sent by the good witch of the house to collect her sapphires from the Ice Wizard, and came to ask the Granch for help. He was drugged via a hot toddy by the Granch.

The Granch asks PT to grab the obsidian mugs on the top shelf. The Granch has waved his hands over the drinks he is concocting.

Remy attempts to pick the lock on Red’s cage, but as she does so, a resounding “click” rings through the Lair, and two doors on either side of the Lair begin to open. She sprints toward Robin and the exit, as Conrad swings the sword down on the lock, breaking it open.

A live action toy soldier clomps out of one of the doors, moving mechanically. There is skin around his eyes, and they dart wildly around the room. He marches toward the cage. A kitten, a bell around its neck and a heart-shaped sachet in its mouth, scampers out.

The Granch hears his internal alarm system go off, and PT grabs the tray of hot toddies to take to their buddies.

In one swift chop, Conrad decapitates the toy soldier, who spurts real blood all over the place. Remy calls to the kitten, who lopes past her, and she gives chase, Conrad close behind, intent on killing the kitten. Robin attempts to free Rudolpho with the candy cane poker, and he picks up a war hammer to attempt to smash the chains. As the war hammer heats up in his hands, he drops it as it begins to burn him.

The Granch shouts “Binky!” and scoops up the kitten. PT fills one of his waterskeins with one of the hot toddies after placing the tray of toddies down on an endtable.

The Granch pulls the beating heart of the kitten out of its chest and horrifically shoves the still-beating heart into his mouth. “I’ll grow three times its size!” he shouts, and he begins to grow larger, tearing through the Armani suit and busting out of his fancy watch.

The Granch takes a swipe with his menacing, newly-grown claws. Conrad blocks the swipe with Rudolpho’s sword. Conrad shouts “I am the wind through the willow!” and attempts to swipe upward at Grimbly with this sword. The Grimbly beast swipes back with his second claw, causing Conrad to miss his attack and cutting him to ribbons, throwing him onto his back.

Remy flees into the Treasure Lair, where Robin has busted through Rudolpho’s chains. Rudolpho flees into the secondary lair, Robin and Remy close behind.

Conrad screams “I am the stream through the mountain pass!” and jumps to his feet, swinging his sword at Grimbly. As Grimbly bares his teeth and attempts to bite Conrad, Conrad slices him through the mouth. Grimbly taunts him, pulling his mouth open wide, and he attempts to smash down upon him with his two fists. Conrad attempts to block with his sword, saying “I am the fire in the heart of the patriot.”

Remy snatches up a baseball bat outfitted with nails and chains, continuing to run out of the Treasure Lair and into the din. Robin enters the secondary chamber with Conrad and Granch, shouting to PT “DON’T DRINK THE HOT TODDIES!”

Red sprints into the room, attempting a flying karate side kick into the Granch’s face, though he misses. He shouts at Conrad to “kill the heart! Kill the heart!”

Having grabbed three bottles of moonshine, PT totters back toward the commotion, stuffing pieces of cloth into the bottles as he goes.

“I am the salt of the earth!” shouts Conrad, as he attempts to stab upward at the heart of Granch. Granch attempts to bite downward on Conrad’s head, but Conrad manages to stab directly into his heart. Grimbly shrinks down to his stout grinchy height as Conrad holds the sword, gurgling “I just want you to have a toddy……….” His chest bursts open into a fountain of blood.

The

Robin has obtained a buckler, which has the classic face of Frosty upon it.

The Outlaws follow Rudolpho to the Granch Train 3000 (the express train to the ice castle), a bullet train up the mountain.

Over the sound of the speeding train, the Outlaws hear Ebenzer Rouge shout “HIBBEDY HO, HERE COMES THE SNOW.”

** Rudolferoso